Bernie's thoughts of the day..

It's been so long since I have blogged or expressed myself. 

My passion for design are as strong as ever, I just have been so traumatized by people on the internet, I just don't feel free to share my thoughts, feelings or inspirations... I have not traveled much since 2019. I have gone on some fun road trips, but not bothered to document the way I use too. Its funny how a series of events can absolutely change the way you live your life.

It was a series of events in 2019 that turned my world upside down and inside out. It's been 6 years and its pain still feels fresh when I try to go there.  It's funny how "fans" can be so toxic and hurtful. I was so naive, I probably would react differently to a few of the events if it happened today.. People use the internet to do bad things...

in Summer 2019 It had been revealed that my Filipino father was nit my biological father. I was devastated to learn that... I sent my "half" sister a 23&me dan test to see if in fact we were full blood sisters. we looked different enough to believe we were half... Well Dan does not lie, we are infarct full blood sisters. I take comfort knowing I had the most wonderful Native American grandmother for the first 7 years of my life. She had passed in 1977. I also knew my biological father very well, I last saw him in 1990 the day my sister got married. I remember sitting and talking to him so vividly, sadly he also passed away in 2011. I have major regrets as ironically he worked for the company that put the washer and dryers in my apartment building in Hollywood. He was at my apartment ever month to collect the money from the machines. He asked to see me, I said " why would I want to see him he isn't my dad" words I will regret till the day I die. 

He was a lifetime musician. He played electric bass, trumpet and vocals and resided in Hollywood since the 1960s. He actually grew up in New Mexico. That is where my paternal biological family is from. His father, my "grandfather" was estranged he had an entire depart family that didn't know he existed till my grandfathers funeral in 1962. I believe he kept in touch with his new found half siblings. I remember meeting his sister when I was very little.. In fact I have a lot of really amazing memories of him. He played in a bad with the same members for decades. They even played my sisters wedding reception niche I did not stay for.

My sister told me he sang a special song for her Let your love flow.. I have I on my playlist and listen to it all the time and think of him. 

Here is a photo of my biological father Pete Apodaca & My mom Sherry Little

really this story consumed me since I learned about my father..